looking for jelly beans

April 26, 2011

The other day someone brought over a nice big bag of jelly beans.  In a normal household with 15 kids this bag of beans might last a week.  But they were brought over to my house.  Which means by the time Easter dinner is served they would be half gone, and by bedtime nothing would be left but the package.  I need to get into a twelve-step program for jelly bean addicts.

So Diane is constantly moving the jelly beans, not really hiding them, just putting them in places I never go.  If I stumble upon them, which I do, she has to move them again.   And again.  And again.

The sad part of it is that I can eat the 99 cents-a-pound beans with as much abandon as I do the gourmet beans costing five times that amount.  They’re gone so fast I  don’t notice the natural color and flavor, my tongue just doesn’t turn orange (or black, or purple) as fast as it does with the cheap ones.

So Diane must be on her guard constantly this time of year, she simply doesn’t buy jelly beans, knowing that the simply don’t have a chance.

If you were looking for anything deep or spiritual from this particular post forget it.  This one has all the substance of high fructose corn syrup.  There is one place in my life where I have not mastered myself, where self-discipline is lacking, and I publicly admit it.  Of course with only three of you reading this, I don’t have much to fear.  I won’t be de-certified, de-classified or de-ordained.  I’ll just suffer through a little acid reflux and a raised eyebrow or two.

Oh well, only eleven months, three weeks and five days and the stores will once again start stocking jelly beans.

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